Some Days are Magic, Some I Am Alone

So I started my art journal yesterday! I always used to keep a diary, but in the recent years as my memory has improved and I have less time, I’ve neglected it. This art journal is like a stylised rendition of my feelings - I’ve been feeling very lonely and depressed over the past few years due to illness, so I tried to express this through my pages - that was my mood yesterday, when I started, too. Some pages are quite happy though, such as the unicorn and the fairy. In a way, it feels quite therapeutic and I don’t feel as bottled up, so I’ll be doing a lot of this in the future.

Margaret's Summer. Just so you know, Margaret and the title of this blog comes from a character that is a lot like me, in a book that I'm in the process of writing called Roses for Margaret. She's a bit like an alter ego, though we do have some differences and similarities.

I used lace paper dotted with pink ink from a stamp, as well as a stencil and some paper with a bird cage. The girl - called Jane Morris and photographed in summer 1865 - comes from Pinterest, and I saw some similarity in her expression as to how I feel. I love to use old photographs in my journal, as they almost all appear serene and thoughtful, yet with a hidden sadness. I also love the vintage and antique aspect. 

The bird cage split in two whilst I was gluing, accidentally. I thought that it looks quite effective though, almost like a broken heart, or someone is trying to break free from the cage.

Raining in my heart, lyrics by Buddy Holly that popped into my head due to a personal problem that's been going on for a couple of years. It was also raining as soon as I woke up, and it was quite a cosy rain that made me stay indoors and bake a lemon drizzle cake and set to work on my inspiration journal. And it did rain all day long - I had to walk Bertie in the rain with my pink parasol.

Lyrics from the song "Dis, ferme un instant les yeux" by Dominique Ney, from the soundtrack of Mais ne Nous Delivrez Pas du Mal, one of my favourite films. I have a vague idea what the lyrics mean in English, through my small knowledge of French. I highlighted my favourite verses and imagery, such as 'le ciel rouge (the red sky)". I drew flames to mirror the tragic ending of the film, and a bird to relate to one of the horrific acts Anne committed in the course of the film.

Here are the lyrics, from YouTube.

Dis, ferme un instant les yeuxComme si c'était un jeuLe temps d'une chanson. Oh dis, ne pense plus à rien,Simplement qu'on est bienEt que nous nous aimons. Sur la mer, plus rien ne bouge. Même au loin sous le ciel rougeUn soleil vient de glisser sur l'eau Là sur la plage déserte,Un instant, nos vies s'arrêtentEt l'amour nous vient à fleur de peau Dis, ferme un instant les yeuxNous sommes si heureuxEt la nuit est si belle. Oh dis, seul un rayon de luneDans un creux de la duneNous tient lieu de chandelle. Si les heures se succèdentPour nous, dans le sable tièdeLe temps semble s'être suspendu Les pins doucement se penchentEt nous frôlent de leurs branchesMais nous ne les sentons même plus Oh oui, lorsque je serai loinSi j'ai quelque chagrinSi je suis malheureuse Oh dis, j'oublierai tout là-basRien qu'en vous voyant là,Rien qu'en fermant les yeux.

Lonely, and a page detailing what I want for the future, namely friendship and love. Due to my illness, I haven't really had a 'normal' life and have missed out on friendships and relationships through the course of growing up, which is something that bothers me quite a lot. It feels a lot safer to express these feelings on paper rather than keep it all inside and private.
The two girls on the right hand side look like sisters rather than lovers, but what I wanted to find was a vintage picture of two close girls with a loving but sisterly relationship in the photo. Vintage photos of lesbians are hard to come across, though I do have a small board on Pinterest - this picture was just really cute! :)

Bits of text cut and manipulated from an old Enid Blyton book that my sister was going to throw away. It basically says in a nutshell how I feel currently.

And finally, here's a happier picture! I love fairies and got this stamp from a cardmaking magazine, so I thought it would be a nice thing to experiment with. I used another Enid Blyton page, inktense pencils, water, and a pink ink stamper to colour the pages.
The butterfly wing used in the fairy picture was something I found loose on an hill near my house - I thought it was too pretty to leave (and it wasn’t attached to a butterfly) so I thought it would be nice to use and immortalise in my journal as one of my findings. 

Another happier picture, this time of a unicorn! It was done by my mother using watercolours, though she doesn't mind me using it as she hardly uses her art journal anymore. It says, but you can't really see, "some days are magic", as on some days due to my mood swings I feel over the moon and jollier than anything. 

I hope you liked this insight into my journal! It feels really comforting to get my feelings down on paper, and a little freeing to express myself like this on the internet.